Timing: This ritual is best performed in Autumn, particularly while the Sun is in Virgo (August 23 — September 23). The Sign of Virgo understands the vanity of the human heart. People born under the Sun Sign of Virgo are honest and humble. For these reasons, ritual planners should coordinate this liturgy for the appropriate season. I recommend September.
Introduction to the Service: "The Narcissus and Echo Ritual" functions as psychotherapeutic healing. The aim of the liturgy is to move beyond narcissism towards empathy. Before proceeding through "The Narcissus and Echo Ritual," participants must decide for themselves if they are prepared for such an experience. Before the ritual, they should have at least begun to reflect on their behaviors, patterns, and narcissistic ways. The more one has prepared, the deeper one can delve psychologically during the ritual.
A degree of narcissism is healthy in every individual. To have pride in one's own interests gives one the courage and motivation to continue. However, an excessively narcissistic personality disrupts the community. The community must go out of its way to accommodate the narcissist. To please a narcissist depletes the community's energy, which should instead be used to further the community's actual goals.
For this reason, I have created a ritual to assist individuals in acknowledging their own narcissistic behaviors and to develop empathy. Narcissism is characterized by a pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of all others. Common characteristics of narcissists include: grandiose self-importance; obsession with fantasies of unlimited success; a demand for excessive admiration; and the regular practice of interpersonal exploitation. A total narcissist may not be able to develop empathy. Yet, someone who has narcissistic qualities can probably progress towards empathy.
Themes Associated with Narcissus and Echo: Infatuation; unrequited love; projection in romance; falling in love with the image in the mirror and confusing it with the other.
In the story of Narcissus and Echo, Hera, jealous of Echo's relations with Zeus, withdrew Echo's capacity for speech. (Prior to the incident, Echo had been a particularly talkative nymph. After Hera's inflicted condition, Echo could only repeat words others have said around her.
The handsome Narcissus entered Echo's territory. The nymph fell for him at once. Because of her condition, she could not utter the words she wished to speak. Narcissus came upon a stream and, seeing his own reflection, fell in love with himself. He cried, "I love you," to his image in the water. Echo, hearing his words, replied "love you," but Narcissus was too engrossed with himself to notice or hear Echo.
Narcissus could not remove himself from his reflection. He died of thirst, hunger, and unrequited self-love. Echo died of the same things. Gaia preserved Echo's voice, and now we hear it in caves and in the wilderness.
In the worship service, each individual will approach the priest and priestess who have aspected Narcissus and Echo. In Wiccan and Pagan circles, priests and priestesses have methods with which they invoke or aspect deities. They enter a trancelike state and merge the energy of the deity or deities. In this ritual, a priest will aspect Narcissus, and a priestess Echo. As I have discussed in the above introduction, this worship service will assist each individual to face one's own narcissistic qualities and, in doing so, will help the community at large. Thus, it is essential that the priest and priestess push each petitioner to own one's own emotional and psychological baggage. In order for the ritual to be successful, petitioners must practice complete honesty. If community members cannot be honest with themselves, there is little chance for progress.
The Priest and Priestess who have aspected Narcissus and Echo may experience divine guidance during the service. Although I have proved prescripted questions for petitioners, the Priest and Priestess have the opportunity to forgo the suggested dialogue if Spirit moves them to ask more specific questions of the petitioners. In sacred space, sometimes skilled priests/priestesses do receive divine guidance. The Priest and Priestess should follow their instinct in this ritual. If there is no extraneous divine inspiration, I advise Priest and Priestess to follow the script below.
Narcissus:
I am the spirit who foolishly falls for his own reflection. I am the charmer who charms himself. I am the beautiful lad whom all adore, But who adores himself too much to notice their affections.
You who have heard my story, How do you see me in you? On what grounds do you identify with the handsome Narcissus? Now that you have faced your demons, of what behaviors will you let go?
Echo:
I am the chatty nymph who follows the handsome Narcissus around. He never notices me, but I keep calling to him. The handsome Narcissus will not pull himself away from his reflection. I waste my time and my affections on someone who can only love himself.
What have you wasted in your life? What do you waste every day, every week, every year? How will you break free and not be like me? After this eve, how will you change?
Each participant will first approach the Priest aspecting Narcissus. The Priest will recite his lines meaningfully. The participant will respond privately to the Priest/Narcissus. The participant makes vows in sacred space before a divine presence.
The participant moves toward the Priestess aspecting Echo, as the next in line approaches the Priest/Narcissus. After all have sought private audience with Narcissus and Echo, they return to their positions in the circle.
The Priestess/Echo whispers secrets into the Priest's/Narcissus' ear, but he still fails to hear. Echo sighs and surrenders. Finally, the Priest/Narcissus looks up from his reflection to bid his participants a good night. Echo follows his gesture and blows the participants a kiss.
Stewards of the circle extinguish all candle flames and open the sacred space. Participants ground silently, and when all have returned to mundane head space, they feast. They may naturally wish to discuss their experiences in the ritual as they feast. I recommend that they exercise some discretion, for many messages will be personal and should be processed individually before sharing.
"The Narcissus and Echo Ritual" intends to meet a faith community's interpersonal psychological needs. Human society struggles with narcissism. People put their own needs before those of others. They take without giving, and they metaphorically defecate on other people in order to get what they want. By facing their narcissism, people can lessen their selfish behaviors and build greater, kinder friendships.
"The Narcissus and Echo Ritual" caters mostly to individuals, but also to the community as a whole. Each individual acknowledges one's own narcissistic behaviors and makes choices about which behaviors the person wishes to change.
According to Wikipedia, an online encyclopedia, "empathy is the recognition and understanding of the states of mind, beliefs, desires, and particularly emotions of others. It is often characterized as the ability to 'put oneself into another's shoes', or experiencing the outlook or emotions of another being within oneself; a sort of emotional resonance." Researchers of Narcissistic Personality Disorder report that pathological narcissists lack empathy. They are so self-centered that they cannot recognize the needs and emotions of others. Because narcissism and empathy appear to be polar counterparts, this ritual intends to balance the two. As I have expressed above, some narcissistic behavior is necessary for survival and self-sufficiency. Wearing down one's narcissism and developing empathy leads to greater interpersonal connections.
Conveniently, Judy Harrow, Wiccan High Priestess and clinical psychotherapist, has published an essay on empathy for spiritual counselors. Harrow agrees that empathy is an important ability for counselors, as well as priests and priestesses, to develop. Fortunately, Harrow goes easy on her readers. Harrow admits that empathy can be learned. Often people feel set back and unfit for certain professions if they do not automatically possess the needed characteristics. Others seem perfectly fit for the job, innately possessing the right personality and skills for the profession. Harrow sympathizes with the person who must learn.
Harrow advises:
Please, as you do this, have reasonable expectations of yourself. It's important to understand that empathy is not an inborn talent but a trained skill. It's also an ideal, a model, a goal we work toward but never completely achieve. For one thing, our capacity varies with what's happening in our own lives. It's harder to open to the other when you are tired, scared, hurting. Also, even at our best moments, our own inscapes still shape and color our perceptions (Harrow).
Harrow comforts the reader. We are not all born with the required amount of empathy. We can learn the skill. Harrow describes empathy as an active practice, "empathy is not something we have, not just passive receptivity to the client's inscape, but something we do." Like counseling, empathy is a practice. Like all skills, people can become better at certain practices over time.
Harrow also writes that, in order to practice empathy, one must practice self-awareness. One must know one's self, one's patterns, one's strengths, one's weaknesses, in order to empathize with another. She writes:
The practice of empathy, then, requires us to explore our own inscapes, develop our own insights, create the inner clarity that makes real listening possible, This deep self-exploration will bring us to our own hard, frightening, and painful moments. Sometimes we will recall ugly memories, or face, name and integrate the parts of our own hearts and minds that we were taught by example to reject. Neither is it easy to identify and take responsibility for our strengths (Harrow).
Clinical psychological work requires great emotional strength. A client's troubles will trigger hurts and pains for the therapist. If the therapist shares experiences with the client, the therapist might recall his or her similar experiences. This type of relating could be useful or, worse, even dangerous. The therapist should give advice, but should not project one's own emotional baggage onto the client. It is healthy for the client to perceive the therapist as a human being, with issues and pain, just like the rest of us. But, a therapy session is for the client. If the session turns into therapy for the therapist, something has gone wrong.
It is common for Pagan leaders to create a ritual based on a specific world myth. Stewart and Janet Farrarr, priest and priestess in the Alexandrian lineage, as well as husband and wife, include a ritual in most chapters to honor each goddess in their book The Witches' Goddess.[1] For example, they provide "The Demeter & Persephone Ritual" (90-95) and "The Brighid Ritual" (101-103). An ancient or traditional myth can work wonders for the modern psyche. Myths are powerful because they express basic human emotions and experiences. People of all times and places can relate to ancient mythologies. The myths usually need to be modernized in order to accommodate the intended audience.
The myth of Narcissus and Echo is a particularly appropriate myth to form the foundation for a psychotherapeutic ritual that exchanges narcissism for empathy. In the story, Narcissus falls in love with his own reflection. Echo falls in love with Narcissus because of his beautiful appearance. Both die of unrequited love, for Narcissus' image, an object, cannot reciprocate love to Narcissus, a subject. Narcissus, too engrossed in his own image, does not even notice Echo.
Both characters express narcissistic behavior. Narcissus thinks he is much greater than all around him, he would prefer to stare at his own image than engage with the land creatures and with the natural world. Echo falls for another, which is somewhat more mature than falling for herself, but still her attraction is a surface love. She falls for Narcissus immediately without knowing his character, his values, or his politics.
The worship service calls all to take responsibility for their own immature narcissistic behaviors and to practice empathy. If the ritual is successful, individuals will thereafter catch themselves when they begin to fall for someone blindly, will acknowledge the person as another, and will become more empathetic towards the other person.
The worship service mostly works to induce personal changes. But, there are many reasons why the subjects of narcissism and empathy are useful to entire communities. A community is made up of many personalities. Each member offers unique talents and skills. Sometimes certain members actually bring the community down because of their personality traits. To make a decision about an individual who brings a community down is a difficult one. In general, people do not like to feel that they are an exclusive group. They like to think that their group is open to everyone. But, a time comes when an individual damages a community by being excessively needy or by earning a poor reputation that reflects the community's public appearance. A time may come when the community needs to ex-communicate that member.
Transformation takes time. The worship service should serve as an initiator for slow growth. In order to complete the ritual, the participant must do inner personal work, must face one's own demons: one's selfish characteristics. Coming to terms with one's negative characteristics is often the first step to changing them. One cannot improve one's behavior if one has not acknowledged the wrongfulness of one's ways. Thus, the worship service will probably not spark immediate drastic changes, but has the potential to lead to great changes over time. If members of the community are so inclined, they may choose to form small groups after the worship service in order to continue their spiritual and psychological development.
"The Narcissus and Echo Ritual" illuminates not only individual narcissism, but the narcissistic nature of religious groups itself. Theorists of religion have discussed this aspect before. In an essay entitled "Narcissism Goes to Church: Encountering Evangelical Worship," Monte Wilson, a religious Reformer, draws attention to the self-indulgent nature of Christian worship services. Wilson writes:
Modern American Christianity is filled with the spirit of narcissism. We are in love with ourselves and evaluate churches, ministers and truth-claims based upon how they make us feel about ourselves. If the church makes me feel wanted, it is a good church. If the minister makes me feel good about myself, he is a terrific guy. If the proferred truth supports my self-esteem, it is, thereby, verified (Wilson).
Wilson notes the professional aspect of religion. A church is a business. The minister(s) must make congregation members feel good about themselves. If the minister fails to do so, he may lose the congregation's favor. People will leave the church or will organize and replace him. Wilson's essay reveals shallow characteristics of humanity. In theory, people attend church to worship and humble themselves before God. Realistically, people attend church for social support and for an emotional high.
The worship service revolving around Narcissus and Echo calls the community to face its interpersonal and collective narcissism. To acknowledge the narcissism of the entire body would spark change in the whole community. A call to a community to face some such fundamental aspect of itself (an often unflattering one) will most likely shake up the community. The ritual will promote conversations amongst itself after the ritual. Individuals will attribute meaning to the experiences and words spoken in the ritual. Multiple conclusions will emerge about the ritual itself and what it has said about the community.
Because the ritual will evoke change, the leaders should think carefully before offering it to the community. Leaders should have private meetings about the ritual and its potential effects over the community. They can never predict what reaction it will evoke, but they should at least estimate the effects and decide if the ritual will be for the community's greater good or not. Although "The Narcissus and Echo Ritual" will challenge many personally, it should ideally have positive effects. The ritual should challenge individuals and the community as a whole. Growth comes from challenges.
The Wiccan Rede is, "Do What You Will, An It Harm None." In predicting the results of the effect on the community, those in leadership should weigh their ideas against the Wiccan Rede. They must contemplate the potential for individual or collective harm. Because this ritual intends to challenge participants' understandings of themselves, the experience may reveal realities the members are not prepared to hear. Sometimes, such messages are exactly what the community needs. But, there are times when those in leadership might conclude that the congregation is not ready for a complete shakedown.
"The Narcissus and Echo Ritual" can be a powerful and positively transforming experience, but all must be prepared. In this liturgy, an ancient mythic story, with its characters and themes, becomes a psychodrama. The myth, coined long ago, opens the hearts and minds of the ritual participants so that they face their demons and grow.
Bullfinch, Thomas. "Echo and Narcissus." In The Age of Fable. Boston: Lothrop, 1894.
Farrarr, Janet & Stewart. The Witches' Goddess: The Feminine Principle of Divinity. Blaine: Phoenix Publishing Inc., 1987.
Feldman, R.S. (1997). Development across the life span. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.
Harrow, Judy. Empathy: the spirituality of counseling. Covenant of the Goddess Newsletter, Ostara, 1995.
Kernberg, Otto F., M.D. Borderline Conditions and Pathological Narcissism. New York: Jason Aronson, Inc., 1979.
Ovid. Metamorphoses. Translated by Elaine Fantham. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2004.
Vaknin, Sam. Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited. Skopje, Macedonia: Narcissus Publications, 2005.
Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia.
Wilson, Monte. "Narcissism Goes to Church: Encountering Evangelical Worship."
[1]The Alexandrian Tradition is a tradition of Witchcraft, descended from Alexander Sanders, an Englishman.
Copyright © 2006 Michelle Mueller